Our call today is 12 noon for a couple reasons. First, I want to make sure we all get a 12 hour turn around (industry standard, and we COULD work people harder, but I don’t want to be that guy), and second, we don’t have a ton to do today. We’re working another “split”, shooting during both the day and then night. Splits can be psychologically defeating - it just feels like a longer day when you work from day to night, even if the total number of hours is equal or less than other days.

Our location is my friend, Director of My First Feature’s house. We’re going to use it for a bunch of locations, including the lesbian couple’s house.

Our first scene is outside in the backyard, with Handsome Leading Man hanging out with Beautiful Black Actress and Hot Blonde Actress’s lesbian couple characters. When I asked Director of My First Feature if we could use his house, apparently I was having a brain malfunction about this location. I’d forgotten that when we shot my first feature in DoMFF’s yard, we discovered that A.) We were in the flight path of the Santa Monica Airport, 2.) people in his neighborhood love to have their grass mowed, and finally he lives next to a super illegal home daycare.

So our scene in the backyard, which should have taken about an hour, took two, most of it holding for planes, lawn mowers, and crying children. We got what we need, but it will take alot of time sifting thru tape to find the clean audio.

Now we move to the front yard, where we’ll shoot DoMFF’s front driveway as another anonymous location for a scene between HLM and once again, Latin Actor Who I Met While Getting a Massage. And yes, once again it will be in a master, an unbroken take. (Gayray’s Red Ranger truck makes a guest appearance in this scene). After trying four times to get a clean version of this scene, and then waiting for the crying babies next door to finally SHUT UP, I go next door and beg the Russian woman for five minutes, just five minutes, please please please of taking the children inside so we can get a good take. “FIVE MINUTES is only what you’ll get!” she bellowed at me, and herded the now strangely quiet kids inside. I raced back to the driveway, yelled “Action!” and we got a good take.

We pull out Gayray’s Red Ranger and pull DoMFF’s giant Truckzilla (standing in for the Truckzilla of the script) into the driveway. Move the camera, new angle, and now we’re in the lesbian’s driveway. Time to shoot a car washing scene with Beautiful Black Actress, Hot Blonde Actress and Swarthy Young Leading Man. Our five minutes of silence are over, so after a few frustrating takes I decide to move the car onto the street. You can wash a car on the street, right? This of course presents some unforseen problems, like the background blowing out because we’re shooting the foreground in the shade, all the lawn mowers coming back from their lawn mower lunches to start again, and the added bonus of blowing the house circuits three times. So, once again, a scene that should have taken about an hour to shoot takes two.

We then move on to the front yard of DoMFF’s house for a nice, relaxing game of croquet with the four leads, Handsome Leading Man, Swarthy Young Leading Man, Beautiful Black Actress, Hot Blonde Actress. We need to get this done quickly, as it is our last scene during daylight, and it is now 6pm. The sun is setting. Of course, the children next door are at it again. I try yelling “QUIET ON THE SET!” before each take, thinking that this will quiet them down next door. No dice. So finally, losing my patience, I stomp over there and once again engage the Russian woman, who is now sitting with some of the parents of the children. She starts screaming at me that we have no right to shoot (we have permits) and she’s going to call the city (please do, illegal daycare owner) and that everytime I shout “QUIET ON THE SET!” it makes the babies cry (oh, please…).

At this point I remember something - during the first ordeal with Russian Illegal Daycare, DoMFF told me the deal she’s made with the neighbors is that the kids will be quiet after 6pm. I bring this up ever so gently, emphasizing that it is 6:05 PM and she screams at me some more - “ALRIGHT, YES, ALL PARENTS GO HOME TAKE YOUR CHILDREN SEE THEY’RE LEAVING I WON’T BE HARASSED I’M GOING TO CALL THE CITY THE CHILDREN ARE LEAVING YOU HAVE NO RIGHT THE PARENTS ARE TAKING THEIR CHILDREN…” and immediately starts hustling the parents out the front gate. This is the thing I’ve learned about my Russian neighbors (and I have many) - They will never let you think you’ve won an argument, even as they’re totally losing. The screaming will continue until you walk away, and then they’ll do what they’re supposed to do.

Ah, blissful silence. We get the scene quickly, then have some delicious catering courtesy of Jason, a highlight on a couple films now.

After the sun sets we move back into the backyard for a quick shot of The Group lounging by what should seem like an anonymous pool. When you see the movie it will make sense. After this shot, it’s a picture wrap for all of the Group, which is super sad because we’ve had so much fun. But because we’re strapped for time, I kiss them all then kick their asses out the door and move the production back to the front yard.

Now it’s time to use DoMFF’s front yard at a new angle, which thankfully looks nothing like the previous angles we’ve used. This is the scene where Handsome Leading Man’s character is attacked on the street and dragged into a dark corner. The ensuing fight between HLM and Former Themepark Performer (cast as the attacker) will result in HLM killing FTP’s character accidentally and thus discovering the electric current used by the human body. The speed at which we’re shooting has lead me down a path I swore I’d never travel again - ready to shoot a fight scene without having choreographed said fight scene in advance. This happened on Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror, and it was a bit of a nightmare. Now, here I am again, this time the director with one of the same actors from GBBOT involved in the unblocked fight scene, ready to shoot at 10 PM with nothing blocked out.

Confidence is 90 percent of directing, I’m finding. Confidence is hard to muster when you’re exhausted I’m also finding. But muster it I do. I take the actors and methodically block out a fight scene. Everyone is super tired, so concentration is a bit down (mine definitely included), and I’m having a hard time communicating what I want to see, but in the end we figure it out and shoot what I think will look really good. Fingers crossed.

The only other little bump in this setup is a quick shot of HLM and FTP making out hot and heavy, which is part of a creepy flashback later in the film. HLM and FTP go at it, but I notice FTP acting a little…something? Suddenly he stops, pulls back and gags, hard. “Sorry, I half swallowed some grass during fight scene and I’m choking on it…” We get him some water, he clears his throat, and they go at it again. I’m hoping HLM believes the grass story and isn’t thinking that FTP is just creeped out by macking on him.

We’re finished for the night, with one piece of unfinished business. Somehow we managed to lose one of the walkies. Replacement cost - $500 plus. FUCK. On a lowbudget flick like Socket $500 is two days worth of catering costs. After searching high and low and not finding the walkie, we walk away ready to eat the cost.

I can’t remember how many pages we shot today, but of course our day ballooned out from a “short” day to an eleven hour day.

Tomorrow we shoot the climax. Location for said climax? I have no idea. I do have a lead on a place - an electrical plant in Los Feliz - but have yet to scout it, and more importantly don’t have a permit for it. Is there any possible way we’ll figure this out before we need to shoot tomorrow?