Today is our last day of principal photography, so I’m going to try and blog as we shoot, rather than recap later based on my notes.

Call today was 9:00 A.M., which is officially a “forced call”, meaning the cast and crew get less than 12 hours for turnaround. I hate doing this, but thankfully we’ve only had forced calls twice on this shoot. Amazing, considering how much work we’ve done over the last 15 days.

We’re starting with some quick stuff of Matthew Montgomery in his bedroom. Each shot is 1/8 of a page, so they should be quick. For those that don’t know, when you calculate the amount of work you have for each day, you break the script pages down into 1/8 segments. I’m not sure how this became the official mileage marker for production, but I’m sure it has to do with some average calculated over the years. However, this can be misleading - the old joke goes “We’re only shooting 1/8 of a page today, so it should be a short day.” “What is the scene description?” “EXT. FIELD - DAY: An army of a thousand warriors races over the hill and battles the enemy”.

11:30 PM - Finished the bedroom stuff, now moving on to the bathroom. We’re shooting a shower scene, and a “What the Hell is that?” scene (the character finds something “mysterious” in the bathroom). We’ll shoot the dry shot first…

12:30 PM - Finished the bathroom stuff. Now we’re moving the entire apartment and all the film equipment to one end of the space so we can shoot a tracking shot of the characters entering and seeing the space for the first time. Rasool is back in her second role as the “Realtor”, leading Matthew and Walter thru the space. Rasool and Matthew are onscreen together for the first time since the Socket shoot.

This is tough because we can’t move the equipment to the hallway, so we’re crammed into one side. I send a few of the crew up to the roof to relieve the occupancy and collective body heat.

Because this is supposed to be a sunny loft, we pull back the huge blackout curtains, close the windows (for sound) and let the baking sunlight flood in. “Turn on the air!” As we move all the furniture someone asks, “Is that blowing hot air?” Sure enough, someone accidentally set the thermostat to “Heat”, raising the tempature another 10 degrees.

1:30 PM - We’re getting our first shot off. Once we cover this angle we’ll need to move everything across the loft to the other side so we can get the reverse.

2:00 PM - I fucking lose my mind. Our keys are not listening to each other, talking over each other, and we’re not moving forward, just like last night. I’m furious. I blow up at them. There will be blood.

2:05 PM - It gets much quieter, and work gets done.

3:00 PM - We’re at lunch. I chat with Director Kittredge about what went down. “I totally agree with you, but don’t call me a ‘whiny baby’ in front of the actors…” And he’s right. I feel like it was justified to put the smackdown on them, but I shouldn’t involve the director in a confrontation in front of the crew.

I call Matty and tell him what happened. As much as I’m willing to go off when needed, I always feel like shit afterwards. (I know some of my loyal readers will find this hard to believe.) We talk and he gives me good advice on how to handle the aftermath, which I’m happy for. At the end of the day, I’d like to work with most of this crew again, so I don’t want them to think I’m a crazy, mean producer. And I don’t want to end this shoot, which despite all the problems has been a great experience, on a downer.

3:30 PM - Back to work, we’ve moved the entire loft to the other side. We seem to be moving forward and working more efficiently.

4:00 PM - Rasool is picture wrapped. Big round of applause. Fan favorite Hawt Top Jon Gale is here to play his second role, “Mover”. We’re moving MUCH more efficiently, and everyone’s mood seems to be upbeat. We place a camera up on the shelf above FJ’s closet to get the crazy “security cam” angle.

5:10 PM - Jon Gale is picture wrapped. Big round of applause.

We move on to a very complicated series of shots involving Matthew, Walter (in “I just got beat up” makeup) and Key Grip Jeremy as “The Figure”. I’m nervous - we’re actually doing well time-wise, and this scene has the potential to put us REALLY behind.

6:30 PM - We’ve shot our first shot in the scene. Director Kittredge has broken down the scene into tiny takes, which we need, but as always each new moment is a camera and light repo. A nailbiter for a producer watching the clock. We have to shoot all of Walter’s coverage first because he has to leave for work by 9:00 PM.

8:45 PM - Our desperate circumstances drive me to an unthinkable act. “10-200″ (aka onset radio code for “taking a poo”. “10-100″ is taking a pee) in the one bathroom in the loft, which is also being used as our makeup room. We’re all trapped in the loft - all 20 of us - so right outside the door is a crowd of people. I’d almost rather die than let people know my bathroom business in real time (except for Matty, he has boyfriend “privilege”), but if I don’t I’m going to explode. For two days I’ve held it for 12+ hours, but today my body is rebelling. I wish I could yell at it like the crew and make it obey. Alas…

9:00 PM - Walter Delmar is picture wrapped. Big round of applause. We start shooting Matthew’s coverage, which involves Key Grip Jeremy attacking him and (presumably) killing him. Matthew has to work himself into hysteria over and over, which must be incredibly hard after being on the set for 12 hours.

We’re officially in overtime now, with three more scenes to finish after this one. Call Dominoes for our third 2nd meal of the shoot. More pizza, even though we’re still finishing the leftovers from last night. Director Kittredge has predicted midnight. I’m hoping 11:00 PM.

10:15 PM - Director Kittredge is camera operating for a long jib shot. After three long takes, and reviewing the footage, we discover that a certain effect/lens/something called “ground glass” wasn’t ….on? Something? We have to do it again. Most of the room is in darkness for lighting purposes, and everyone is dead quiet. We’re all waiting for our second wind to kick in while we digest our pizza.

10:30 PM - I shoot my third 2nd unit shot while they set up for something in the main room. A door being unlocked, once fast, once slow.

10:45 PM - Matthew is picture wrapped…sort of. We have a couple scenes we need to shoot in a month or so. Big round of applause.

12:08 AM - Pete Scherer is in for his two scenes tonight. About two pages of dialogue and a fight scene. The set is the loft, but cleared out with just a chair, tv monitor and video camera as set dressing. For some reason putting this together takes longer than clearing the room.

We’ve just shot the two pages of dialogue, and now we have to shoot the fight. A complicated fight.

12:39 AM - Finished one angle of the fight, shooting it with two cameras. Repoing to 2nd angle. Matty calls, he’s going to bed.

1:03 AM - The fight isn’t working. Key Grip Jeremy is too big to be beaten by Pete. There’s no fight choreographer, so the fight itself looks sort of lame. I pull Director Kittredge aside and we discuss a new end of this scene - the fight is cut, there is new, simpler business which will cut perfectly (we hope) with the scene that follows.

I’m reminded of Socket when we were trying to shoot the ending of the film at 1:00 AM in the morning. I hated what we were shooting, so I stopped, rewrote it, and shot it.

1:14 AM - Wrap. Crew photo. Load out. We’re all still friends.

Back at FJ’s loft today. I’m wearing shorts cuz it was so fucking hot yesterday - for sound reasons we can’t have the air conditioning running or the windows open when we shoot. We also have to shut the blackout curtains because most of the stuff we’re shooting today takes place at night, and the loft has floor to ceiling windows - great for living, not so much for shooting nighttime.

A nice surprise is the kitties from next door make a guest appearance while we set up. They are super cute, but I worry someone will roll over them with the dolly, so after some petting it’s time for kitties to go home.

What I didn’t mention yesteday is during these three days we’re shooting the bulk of Matthew Montgomery’s scenes, most of which include Walter Delmar. (Walter is double cast in two roles, both of which are leads. So he’s already worked quite a bit in the other role).

This film is broken down into three distinct acts, each with a different set of characters. Which means we’re basically shooting three different short films. For the most part we’ve scheduled the shoot so we’re shooting out one segment, then moving on to the next. So each time we start a new segment, we’re jumpstarting the emotional arc of the film. You wouldn’t think it matters from the physical production side - lights are lights, you set them up and move on. But there’s that subtle “We finished….aaaaaaaaaaaaand we’re starting all over again…” feeling that forces you to reset your mental timeclock “back to one” each time. Not good or bad, just interesting.

We seem to be on schedule as of lunch, but that will change shortly after. Although the stuff we’re shooting isn’t overly complicated, and there isn’t much to report of interest, we slowly fall behind. At one point we shoot an ECU (extreme close up) of Walter’s lips saying “Smile for the camera” about 14 times. “Smile for the camera… Smile for the camera… Smile for the camera… Smile for the camera… ” A crazy mantra.

About two hours from the official end of our 12-hour day it became apparent our exhaustion was keeping us from moving forward as quickly as we should be. The main reason is, with tempers raw and energy low, people are getting either passive-aggressive or just not on the ball. Our keys start sniping at each other (including me), which is uncool, not only for interpersonal reasons, but the actors are affected by it, too. If the DP and the director have a big passive-aggressive tiff, then call “Roll cameras!”, the actors are going to be unsettled and not perform well, thus slowing us down.

So it’s time for a little sit down with the keys. I pulled them all aside and gave them the “I love you all, but we need to work together to get this shit done…” I pointed out what all of them were doing that was slowing us down - not meanly, but honestly - and they all agreed. Script Supervisor Heather is totally right when she says, “We made it this far without this lecture, so we’re doing pretty good…” Which is exactly right - this crew is amazing, they work super hard, but for this one moment they needed an outside voice to re-streamline. It feels weird giving the speech on the second-to-last day, but I worry we will be screwed and not get the film shot if I don’t.

We decide that we’re going to muscle thru and go into overtime to make our day. Which means a second meal. The line producer in me screams “No! They can eat craft service! There’s tons of chips!” But the producer in me prevails and we order pizza.

We wrap at 14 hours. We almost made our day - 10 pages out of 11 2/8s! We have one day left…

We’re back after four days off, with three days left of principal photography. It was great to have four days off. All I did was watch a bunch of movies (Another Gay Movie, Diary of the Dead, The Signal), Reality TV (Project Runway, America’s Next Top Model, 80th Academy Awards), surfed the net, slept, ate food that is bad for me, and basically vegged.

One piece of business on Friday - the payroll company sent me an email informing me that we’ve spent our deposit for the SAG salaries already, and they won’t be able to send out this week’s paychecks until we get them another check. The fact that we burned thru our payroll deposit isn’t a surprise - we always knew that we were going to have to deposit more money into the account at some point.

But finding out TODAY, with no warning, on the day the checks are supposed to go out is a problem. Technically SAG can charge us $10 per day per actor for every day the paychecks are late. I don’t have time to get the check to the payroll company before they close for the day, so I have to wait until Monday, when we’re shooting downtown, to send someone to the Valley with the check. I consider this the payroll company’s fault, so I’m ready to fight the good fight for them to either A.) pay the fines or B.) explain the situation to SAG.

Today, Monday, is our first day in FJ’s loft. The first day in a new location is always stressful. You can’t really know what problems might arise until the company actually loads in. You’re basically starting over, and that’s a gut wrencher. To top it off, I have a flat tire this morning, causing me to be late. Arrgh.

Because ’s loft is currently on the market, I’ve threatened everyone with decapitation if something is broken, scratched or marked.

Strangely, even with four days’ rest, everyone’s mood is really prickly for some reason. And of course, we’re trapped in this apartment for three days, like some emotional crock pot, simmering until the crazy blow up. Fingers crossed that won’t happen, but right now I’m ready to cut someone’s head off.

We shoot a lot of scenes involving Matthew Montgomery on the phone, one of which is with one of my characters. I’m double cast as the “DP” of the modern day porn production company, and “Gunnison”, the editor of a porn rag who is only heard over the phone. We decide to record my half of the conversation “live” during the shooting of the scene, which will save us time in post. So Sound Mixer Brian puts a mic on me and I read my lines off camera. (Of course I don’t have them memorized.)

One thing that takes some getting used to when you’re an on-camera actor is shooting conversations with overlapping dialogue. You would think you could just shoot the scene and overlap, but that actually makes editing the scene a nightmare unless the scene takes place entirely in a master shot with both characters on camera at the same time. But if you want to cut back and forth between the characters’ closeups, and you have someone stepping on someone else’s line, you have to use that take in total - you can’t cut around someone’s voice overlapping someone else’s, meaning you can’t do any post magic. No tightening up the pace, no using different takes to create a different tone for the scene, etc.

So to create a dialogue scene you have to shoot each characters’ lines “clean”, with no overlap. Which is sort of weird, especially if the conversation is either A.) an argument or B.) between two characters that are supposed to be interrupting each other. Each actor has to deliver his lines as if he’s either cutting someone off, or getting cut off, without either actually happening. It’s like a slo-mo fight. “I hate your fucking guts!” PAUSE “Well your mother is –” PAUSE “Stop right there, bitch!” Because my lines will need to be put thru an effect later to sound like I’m on the phone, the witty banter between Matthew and I currently has trains running thru the pauses. Later Director Kittredge will push them together in post and make them overlap.

During “golden hour” we shoot a scene on the roof that is doubling for the NYC skyline. Of course, anyone in LA or NYC will screech that we couldn’t possibly double the LA skyline for the NYC skyline. (I imagine the LA peeps saying “Are you fucking kidding me?” and the NYC peeps saying “LA filmmakers are dumbasses…”). But the roof has a view that has all the roof stuff - air conditioning stuff, ladders, machinery - that obscures the actual skyline. So we’ll shoot the scene in that direction, then do one static shot of the reverse as a “plate” so we can lay in the correct skyline for the establishing shot in post.

We shoot over 9 pages today, which is incredibe, but of course I’m unhappy cuz we planned on 11. I’m SUCH a slave driver!

Today we’re shooting at the Melrose Lightspace, a classroom/art gallery space on Melrose Ave. It’s super cheap - $220/day if you book in advance, $120/day if you book the day before (roll the dice…). The space is perfect for shooting - versatile and cheap. I’ve actually been toying with an idea for a script that I want to shoot in there.

Once again we’re creating a fake wall within a larger space, but today we’re using the movable walls provided by the gallery. The set we’re shooting today is the “before and after” of a set we shot in the United Pacific Stages last week. In this scene a character enters the Starblazer Video offices (circa 1995), moves thru the outer office (Melrose Lightspace), turns a corner and enters the sleazy porn producer’s office (United Pacific Stages), has an argument, kills the sleazy porn producer, then runs out and back thru the outer office (Melrose Lightspace) and into the street.

The reason we have to shoot this section at this location is we simply ran out of time in our first location. We made the decision to push the outer office stuff based on the assumption that we’d be able to find a generic location in which we could create a set that matched the other part of the scene. Thankfully the Melrose Lightspace is just that. Part of the matchability is actually due in part to a storage issue. Along one wall of the Lightspace are several risers, normally used for classes, propped up against the wall, underside facing out. Turns out the undersides are the same color as the UPS location, and they work perfectly as shelves for video box inventory.

The second location we’re creating here is the hallway that leads to the “Empty Room” we’ve already shot at the Second City Training Center. In this scene the character walks down the hallways (Melrose Lightspace), does some business, then turns and enters the “Empty Room” (Second City). Bad things happen to the character at that point, so no need to film him running out, cuz he doesn’t…

The SCTC was too perfect for the “Empty Room” to pass up, so when they told us we couldn’t shoot in the hallway, the decision was made to push that part of the scene based on the assumption that we’d find a generic location in which we could creat a set that matched the other part of the scene. And here we are.

Today PA Kevin’s parents showed up to watch filming. We got a handful of crew members from the Ithaca internship program - Juniors and Seniors move out here for a sememster or two, take internships on films, in production offices, development departments, etc., for school credit, and hopefully make some good connections for when they actually move out here. I’ve used interns on most of the stuff I’ve produced to varying degrees of success. One of my past interns is actually not available because I got her a good paying job (sad for me, cuz she’s awesome and I’ll probably end up working for her someday), and this time around we got a couple guys who are really great workers and very dedicated.

So PA Kevin’s parents showed up and today was the perfect day because there was no nudity for the 15 minutes they visited the set. Phew! However, Director Kittredge did bust out with a “That was fucking goddamn good!” about 2 minutes after they sat down.

We’d planned to possibly shoot a quick insert shot at this location - We need a “POV crossword puzzle” shot pointed up toward the actor from below for a scene we shot earlier at UPS. The original set was basically black, so the camera department put some black cloth on the ceiling in anticipation of shooting the insert here at the Lightspace. Sadly, we ran out of time - we needed to get to our second location of the day, across town near USC - so we scrapped it for the moment.

We packed up the gear and drove down to the $40 diner location that I wrote about in the last Production Diary. The thought was we’d break for lunch, have everyone order off the menu for a change of catering pace, then start shooting in the location. I felt guilty about the low cost of the location, so I figured throwing some business their way during a time of day when they normally had no one in the joint would make me feel better.

$250 and 2 hours later (ugh on both accounts) it was time to go back to work. Strangely, once everyone got into the restaurant, it became ordering chaos, as if none of these people had ever ordered off the menu before. Super loud, and a lot of “Which is better, the meatloaf or the chicken?” questions for the waitress who obviously had more on her hands than she could deal with as she was covering the entire restaurant.

I felt like the disapproving dad when I had to tell everyone to hyper down and just fucking order their lunch, but I didn’t want that thing to happen that drives me crazy on film productions - The whole “We’re taking over and acting like this isn’t someone else’s business/home/location cuz we own the joint” syndrome. Our crew is awesome, I’ll say that a billion times, but I never want to encourage the “We’re doing God’s work, which gives us license to step on people” attitude that so many productions adopt. It’s just a movie.

Before we shoot inside the restaurant we need to grab a quick reverse of a shot we did at Director Kittredge’s house yesterday. In the scene one of the characters spies a character on the street as he drives around town (Director Kittredge’s place), stops the car and takes a picture of the person, then drives away. The reverse will be the subject of that photograph, now standing in the middle of the adjacent motel’s parking lot on an island of grass with a tree in the background. We have to put the character in the shade because the previous shot was filmed on a rare cloudy Los Angeles afternoon. Fingers crossed the shots match.

The reason we didn’t shoot the reverse with the rest of the scene was this would have been the only thing the actor would have done that day - stand on a street corner for ten minutes. We couldn’t justify paying a SAG day rate for that, so we pushed the shot to a day when that actor actually had a couple of other scenes. SAG Ultra Low Budget day rate is $100 a day, which sounds like nothing, but on the budget we’re working with $100 could be a day of craft service. We gotta save it where we can.

Once we move inside we’re set up in both the “big party” room and the booths just outside. The restaurant is still open while we shoot, although as we set up there are only two tables in the other section of the restaurant. There is low level ambient noise in the joint, but we’d have to put in “restaurant walla” in post production anyway, so this isn’t the worst thing in the world.

However…

Once we start actually shooting? Suddenly it’s time to chop onions with butcher knives on metal prep tables, dump bags of change on the counter to count, yell at the cooks, and those two girls in the booth around the corner? Talking, talking, TALKING endlessly about NOTHING at the top of their lungs. I swear, they’re talking at the same time not even listening to each other.

I mentioned how lucky PA Kevin was that we didn’t have nudity when his parents arrived, but we’re back on the naked track here at the end of our day. Once we finish the scenes in the outer area of the diner, we have one more left. Time is running out - we have 30 minutes before we’re kicked out - but the scene involves one character spying a surveilance camera, walking up to it, taking off all of his clothes and standing there for a moment. Now, I sort of left that scene off the list when I booked this location, so they don’t know we’re doing nudity today. So that’s going to be a challenge. Another challenge is the windows that cover every wall of the restaurant, allowing anyone walking up to the door, or even passing by, to see inside.

First job - grab every piece of cloth we have on set and clamp them over the windows in the “big party room”. Next, move all the equipment we’ve staged in there out, and all of the equipment we’ve been shooting with in the outer area into the room. Reset the “big party room” back to an actual restaurant. Frame up the shot. Post our crew in front of the door to the “big party room” in exactly the right spot so the patrons eating dinner can’t see in, but the camera inside the room can’t either. “Action!” Two takes of the actor walking in and stripping off his clothes, and we’re out.

We managed to get almost everything we wanted to get today, with the exception of three short scenes involving a payphone and an actor that will be out of town for the next three weeks. This actor will also have some insert shots to do, so we’re just going to cross our fingers that he doesn’t bleach his hair or get horribly scarred on his trip so we can match the footage already shot.

We have four days off, starting tomorrow, then we move into FJ’s loft for three days next week. Sadly Matty left today for a business trip for those four days, so I won’t get to spend them with him. I will be doing mostly nothing for as long as I can, reenergizing for the last push…

Two days off was amazing. I feel totally refreshed!

On Sunday we scouted FJ’s loft, which is perfect for what we need. HOO-RAY! Such a relief. And just to make sure you don’t think DP Ivan is a mean dude after the blowup story I wrote about the other day, here’s a picture of him holding one of the kitties that live across from FJ’s place.

On Monday we scouted a diner that Bobaloo recommended. He appeared in a music video for some band that shot there, and as we frantically searched for diners that weren’t $5000 a day, he remembered that location. I grabbed Director Kittredge, we drove down near USC and there it was - a perfect diner. We talked with the manager who was more than willing to let us shoot there, as long as we paid the extravagance sum of $40.

Yes, $40. For an entire day of shooting. I couldn’t believe it, and in fact felt almost guilty about the price. I mean, I like a deal as much as the next person (my Jewish boyfriend has beaten that into me), but $40? We told her that we would have the crew eat there, so we could throw some business their way. “Okay, but if the bill is less than $40, you won’t have to pay…” STOP IT!!!! Finding a location this welcoming for this cheap? I’m sure we’re on Punk’d.

Now we just have one location left - an office that can stand in for our porn production office from 1995. We’ve already shot part of the scenes in the UPS location, so we need something to match. And we need it for tomorrow. Morning. Yikes.

Today we’re shooting a ton of driving stuff, as well as some exteriors. We decided to use Director Kittredge’s apartment’s exterior as one location, and the streets nearby for all the others. So we’re back in his apartment.

We need Sunny LA to match another shot, and of course today it’s super gray and rainy. Fuck. We’ve used up our cover set, so we have no choice but to shoot today. We figure out we can shoot everything we’d planned except one shot, which we’ll have to pick that up on a future day of inserts and pickups. My compulsive need for clean lines, things in their place, and completely shot out scenes rebels against this notion, but logic wins. Stupid logic.

We’re using Dave Cobb’s car again, so today starts with me driving out to the valley, picking up the car (and transferring all the craft service from one trunk to another), then dropping off the SAG payroll information, THEN hitting my bank to deposit the check for the 2nd place win at the Indianapolis GLBT film fest for Socket (four months later). So I’ve worked for two hours before our 11 A.M call.

We steal all of the exterior shots. We ain’t got permits, cuz that’s how I roll. And to permit all of our locations would cost another $1,000 or so, which we can’t afford. No coppers show up - the only real danger is all the dog poo in the grass around Director Kittredge’s block.

Next up is the continuation of a scene we shot way back on Day 3 in the UPS location. Two main characters enter a stairwell, descend into the darkness, the reemerge in a new location - basically some dream logic going on. We shot the first part - opening the door to the stairway, entering the stairway - at UPS, but we had to push the actual “in the stairway” shot. We never picked it up at that location, so last night I came up with the idea of shooting it in Director Kittredge’s front stairway. It’s inclosed, and with the right lighting you’ll never know that it isn’t some creepy dream stairway.

In the script there is a scene where two characters are parked in a lookout spot on Mullholland Dr. Actually shooting up there would be tough, mainly because we’d need a generator for the lights (costly) and we’d have to permit the location because the residents would call the cops on us the second they spotted the camera.

So the solution is to set up a green screen in Director Kittredge’s garage, shoot the scene, then composite the skyline in later.

In the middle of our day, after wracking my brain, I remembered a location nearby that I’d scouted for Socket. I took a quick trip around the block to get the phone number off the front door, then called the guy. I asked him if there was any possible way we could shoot in the space tomorrow. “Actually, it is available tomorrow, and you’ll get the last minute booking discount of $100 off the price, so it will only cost you $120 total.” Holy shit! It’s raining location deals! We’re set for tomorrow!

The only real downside today is I tried to get away with not shopping for craft service because of the small crew - oops! We had a ton of some foods available - basically anything that would keep over the weekend, like packaged donuts, candy, breakfast bars, soda and water, etc. And since we were starting at 11 A.M. I didn’t feel like we needed coffee (which we never finish anyway). But we tear thru the stuff we have pretty fast and by the time lunch rolls around every one is starving.

I’ll make it up to everyone tomorrow. We’re ordering off the menu at the restaurant for lunch, so turkey reubens for everyone!!

Shooting at Top Design, a design studio that is owned by a friend of Vegan Production Designer Doug.

One of the first things we shot today was a scene that we’d pushed from last week involving Bret Wolfe. This is a continuation of the tracking shot we did in the UPS location - We started with the two characters walking thru the porn production office with all the stuff happening in the background, then the characters turn a corner and we pick them up in a different part of the production facility, which is actually this location clear across town.

Part of the shot involves Bret arriving in a robe, presumably from shooting a scene. We did two takes - one, the LOGO version, with the robe closed, then the “Uncut Director’s Cut” version with the robe open and Bret nude underneath. Bret is a sport and had not qualms about the nudity, except that it was cold in the location. He’s also about a foot and a half shorter than Pete Scherer, the actor playing one of the leads, so shooting the over-the-shoulder shots for the scene was tough. If the camera was positioned wrong, it would look like a scene from Lord of the Rings between Viggo and one of the hobbits.

Next we shot a scene involving the porn producer character, played by Steve Callahan, and some “porn newbies” auditioning for him. To get these featured roles cast, both of which required full frontal nudity and a sex scene with another dude, took multiple casting calls. We were set to shoot this scene a week ago, but one of the actors dropped out. Rescheduling meant we had to lose the other actor as well, so I was back at square one for naked guys. After putting out ads last night on Craig’s List, I had a bunch of responses. I had them all meet me at the set (Director Kitredge’s house) one at a time the night before so I could suss out their reliability and whether or not they looked like wannabe porn stars. Of the lot, I had two who weren’t scared off by the street-side interview (we couldn’t go into the apartment because cameras were rolling), so I booked them both.

Then just as I was leaving the location I got an email from an honest-to-goodness porn star, Enrique Currero. A friend had forwarded the Craig’s List ad to him, and he was hot to do something outside of porn. Apparently he’s worked in independent film before, and thought the project sounded cool. After chatting with him on the phone, I booked him as well - My thought was normally you have a high flake rate, so I’d book three and fingers crossed at least two would show.

Next morning - wouldn’t ya know it, all three showed! So now instead of a couple, we had a big gay three-way auditioning for the porn producer. Enrique arrived with his manager/boyfriend “To make sure this is legit…” He is actually very sweet, and beautiful in person. Director Kittredge and I figured out how they should be positioned - one fucking another one doggy style while he makes out with the third - and then left it to the three men to decide who was what position. Enrique told us, “I should be top, to fit with my image…” and the guy who wanted to be the bottom was more than happy with that arrangement.

All three were very comfortable with being naked, and excelled at bad porn acting. This is one of the very few humorous scenes in the film, and as far as I can tell these guys nailed it. Speaking of nailing, yes, I looked and yes, Enrique has what it takes to make a very good top.

Fighting light today - have exteriors that require it, and our therapist’s office is all windows. Rasool Jahan, “Carol” in Socket is working today shooting one of her two roles (the “Therapist”.) It’s great to have her on set again. This girl needs to work more, so somebody put her in more movies. We originally cast Georgia Jean (also of Socket and Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror) in this role, but a series of circumstances conspired to make her drop out - mainly a car accident and a move to another state. I was bummed, as was , but double casting Rasool made sense for the film, so the transition was painless.

I’ve raged against other folks who have bailed in the past, but Georgia Jean’s circumstances are legit and unavoidable, rather than “I’d just rather do something else,” so she gets a pass. We had another actor miss a day because his mother died, and yet another actor may miss his day because his father is ill. Both completely understandable, but it makes me wonder why misfortune is in the air these days.

I’m hitting a wall, as are many people. Today during a long take I leaned my chin on my hand, then woke up to “Cut!” I’d totally fallen asleep at the production table. We just had a day off, but it was only our second in 11 days of shooting. We’ve made the decision not to shoot Sunday and Monday, and two days off in a row sounds like Christmas and my birthday all rolled into one.

We shot with Dave Cobb’s car today/tonight, making this the second time the Sebring has appeared in one of my films, the first being Nine Lives. When I picked it up he asked “What scene are you shooting?” “It’s a car accident where the character slams into a truck full of Jarts, then careens over a cliff, rolls down a hill and lands in the LaBrea Tar Pits…”

The one thing that has changed since I used this car last is the driver’s side door is broken - you have to use the outside handle to get out. Since we had a shot of the character pulling up to the driveway, then getting out in one unbroken take, the 1rst AD Mike had to scoot up to the door, out of frame, and open the door for the actor to make it look like he could actually get out of the car.

Tomorrow we scout FJ’s apartment as a replacement for the loft we lost last week - fingers crossed it will work!

Today we did what most low budget filmmakers do at some point during the shoot - we shot in the Writer/Director/Executive Producer’s apartment.

Director Kittredge’s place stands in for one of the character’s L.A. apartment, and we literally shot it from one end to the other.

There isn’t much to report this day, except that our moods are pretty much at the breaking point, as evidenced by the fight between Director Kittredge and DP Ivan. Now, let me state for the record that this happens on EVERY shoot at least once. The production is working on too little sleep, trying to make something great, and there is always a point when it all boils over and there is a fight. The key is, at the end of the day, to make sure everyone parts friends if possible.

The circumstances are actually quite humorous in hindsight. I was sitting in Director Kittredge’s office, with Data Manager Mike, the new makeup girl who had arrived about an hour earlier (to sub in for Makeup Goth Gage who had to go to the Siouxie Sioux concert), and Director Kittredge’s husband, Rob. This office is not very big, and it’s currently packed with equipment and Director Kittredge’s furnishings that are not being used while we shoot. Suddenly DP Ivan comes storming into the room, obviously angry. He goes off for a few moments, then Director Kittredge’s walks in (followed by 1rst AD Mike) and shuts the door behind him (to keep the impending blowup as far away from the company as possible). The bell clangs, and the two of them go at it while the five of us are trapped not two feet away from them in this tiny room filled with stuff. I literally was backed up against a wall.

In the middle of it all my phone rang. I was coordinating some naked extras for the next day, and they were all calling me to get the info. Do I answer my phone? Hmmm …no. I also considered stepping into the fray, but figured this was something that needed to happen for whatever reasons, and just let it play out.

As quickly as it had started it was over. Director Kittredge and DP Ivan went back out, got the shot, and I called a ten-minute walkaway break so everyone could take a breath.

At the end of the day everyone was friends again. We live to fight another day.

We made our day today, which is great. Tomorrow we shoot at another location in the Valley, which is somehow appropriate for a movie about porn.

As I was rolling the shopping cart to my car, full of craft service, my phone rang. It was our actor Jon Gale’s husband, Stephen, in a panic because the condo board (or, more accurately, one woman on the condo board) had decided to deny us access to the building for shooting today literally at the last minute. Jon and Stephen had been given permission by the building manager earlier in the week, so everyone concerned thought we were ready to go. Apparently this Woman of Production Death had other ideas and threw herself in front of our production This is 8:30 A.M.-ish, less than 30 minutes before call, and the entire production is on the way to the location.

This is a new one for me - I’ve never lost a location that last minute. So another learning experience.

I pulled out my production book and Makeup Goth Gage and I sat in the car in the Ralph’s parking lot and called the 20+ people on our cast and crew. “We lost our location for today, so you get an unexpected day off. We’ll call with more details as soon as we get them…”

I had high hopes that this was a temporary development, and we’d be able to just push a day and still shoot for three days at the location. And honestly, although it wasn’t my favorite option, everyone on this production could use a day off. The only real immediate problem, because we do have stuff we can shoot tomorrow, is money spent on the day - parking, gas, craft service, rentals, etc. - that we’ll need to eat.

After calling everyone and conferring with Director Kittredge and 1rst AD Mike, we decided to switch some days around, so now we’re picking up the day we pushed on Wednesday and moving it to Friday, and pulling a day from next week to Saturday. And honestly, because the previously-Wednesday-now-Friday is being shot at Director Kittredge’s apartment, we should have used that day as a cover set today for this lost location. (For those that don’t know, a cover set is a set that is at the ready should something - weather, accident, etc. - force the production off of a location at the last minute.) But to continue the honesty, when it became apparent that we weren’t going to be able to shoot today, I was a little relieved. I really could use a breather.

So I took a nap, then spent the day trying to find a new apartment just in case Jon and Stephen’s fell thru completely. As I searched around I also called the actors involved, and found out that their availability is going to dictate when we can pick up these scenes. Production is a gigantic puzzle, and when one piece changes, all the rest of the pieces change. It’s like a Rubik’s Cube that you solve, then someone comes and changes the color stickers around and you have to solve it again. This Rubik’s Cube is probably going to be configured to a schedule of shooting these scenes the week of February 25th, meaning we’re pushing our entire schedule to a week later than we had planned. We’ll need to confirm the availability of the crew (who I love, they are working like dogs) and replace anyone not available for the additional week. We’ll still be in our 16-day schedule, just expanded a bit.

We do have a lead on a friend’s place, FJ’s currently empty-but-on-the-market condo. I should have taken him up on the offer to shoot there back at his going away party, but we thought the place looked too nice. Now we’re more willing to…work around too nice. Necessity is the mother and all that… If FJ’s condo doesn’t sell in the next week or so, we’ll probably end up there. Fingers crossed, because by the end of the day the board at the previous location didn’t seem to be moving toward a “yes”.

After a day of coordinating and organizing, I spent the night doing Bobaloo’s work, as he’s in PS for the weekend. Went to the gym and the store - weird driving around with all the craft service in the back of the SUV. And then spent the night watching Lost with my boyfriend and Gary Cotti.

For almost a decade I’ve been mentally working on a book called People Who Are Cool, which would feature interviews with people that may or may not be famous, but are definitely interesting for any of a number of reasons. This project simmered on the back burner for years, mainly due to my chronic laziness.

Recently I was talking with a friend who has another friend with a blog that has gotten internet famous for various reasons. I realized that the only thing keeping me from doing the same thing was effort, and as I paged thru my brain trying to come up with an idea for an internet-famous blog, I remembered People Who Are Cool. Perfect!

When I finally got off my butt and started picking interview subjects, I immediately thought of Kelli Maroney. As a teenager in the 80’s, I watched more than my fair share of horror flicks and teen comedies, two genres that flourished during that decade. Night of the Comet, Chopping Mall, Not of This Earth, Big Bad Mama II, Slayground, Transylvania Twist and Fast Times at Ridgemont High all featured Kelli in roles of varying size. Add her stints on the soaps Ryan’s Hope and One Life to Live and she seemed to be everywhere.

I remembered reading an interview with her in Jewel Shepard’s Invasion of the B-Girls, in which she came off as sweet and funny – basically her screen persona in almost all of her early film and TV work (although her Ryan’s Hope character was a bit of a bad girl). So I figured, “Why not?” and contacted her thru her MySpace page. After explaining that I wasn’t some crazoid, she generously agreed to be my first interview. We emailed back and forth, and this is what we came up with. Just FYI, I tried to cover ground NOT covered in Jewel’s book, or the many interviews with Kelli out there.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Kelli Maroney!

When did you really understand that you were, if not famous, in the public eye. When did you realize people recognized you from your work?

The first time I got recognized was about a week after I started on the soap, Ryan’s Hope. A lady behind me in line was scolding me under her breath and calling me “Kim” at the bodega across the street from my house. I played a “Lolita” type character and a bad girl. My co-star called me “The Bad Seed 2”. : ) A couple of months after I got the part I was on the cover of People magazine being called a ” Torrid Teen.”

What did you buy with your first big paycheck?

I’ll let you know when I get it. : ) Seriously, I must have had the crappiest representation EVER because I really never got a big payday on anything I did. Mostly when I get paid, I pay my bills like everyone else.

What’s the strangest thing you still get residual checks for?

The only strange thing about my residual checks is all the residuals that I DON’T get for the low-budget films and stuff. When Chopping Mall was on cable all the time last year, no one got paid.

Did you ever do any commercials?

For some reason I have never gotten a commercial. I’ve gotten close but never actually booked one. All these years, too. Hmm…

I was at my gym the other day and I think I saw you. If that truly was you, you haven’t changed a bit! Surely the police will find the bloodless bodies of virgins in your basement. What’s your secret?

That was me. How cool that we go to the same gym! My ’secret’ isn’t a secret except to the IMDB who has my age wrong. When I first started I lied up and now I’m paying my ‘karmic dues’, which I guess is fair, right?

Perhaps, but I know someone at IMDB. No lie. I’ll see what I can do!

When I first moved here I couldn’t imagine what I would do with myself when I was between gigs. And now, even when I’m not actively working on something, I find my days magically filled with activity. What do you do during the down time?

I go to the gym as you know. I also love Kundilini and Hatha yoga, plus it’s a great workout. I always wonder, too, how I ever manage to make time to go to work here in LA. I always feel like I’m working at my career—there’s something to do or study everyday. If one is an actor, writer, artist–life is always informing one’s work. Wow, how pompous is that statement? : )

Actually, I find that statement quite heartening coming from someone who continues to work as hard as she does in this town. It can really become punching a clock if you’re not careful.

What acting gigs have you turned down? Anything notorious? Or that you regret?

I was once asked to do one of the last episodes of Fantasy Island before it went off the air. It was a nice episode about an elderly couple who wanted to go back in time to when they were young. It was going to require a ton of hours in the make-up chair and I was working on something else at the time and I didn’t do it. But that’s about it.

I know many of the films you’ve been in have been shot very quickly - some of them probably in a shorter amount of time than some TV episodes. Is it strange that something that was such a blip in the timeline work-wise has become pop culture bedrock?

I would be more surprised than I am about these films if a psychic hadn’t told me while I was filming Night of the Comet how popular it would be, but I am still completely amazed and pleased about it. In general I never think about what’s going to happen with a project because I’m busy doing it. On Fast Times at Ridgemont High I had a feeling the minute I walked on the set that I was in something special, but at the time I attributed the feeling to it being my first job at Universal Studio–it’s a very impressive place.

What do you think about reality TV? I know you’re cool with signing autographs based on your independent, cult film career - would you be up for being part of a reality show that traded on that part of your career? I’m thinking of things like Surreal Life or My Fair Brady.

I hate reality TV. I think it would be a huge mistake for me to do one of those shows. I don’t want to be famous for having HAD a career and put myself in those ridiculous situations to get noticed. I’m an actor and sometimes I’m more visible than others, but I take acting jobs. I don’t chase after celebrity. Sorry to sugar-coat it like that. : )

No worries here. I used to do a lot of work in reality TV, and I really hate it, too. Well, most of it. I do appreciate America’s Next Top Model and Project Runway.

I know that many folks are crazy for Night of the Comet, but my favorite is Chopping Mall. So I want to ask you about your co-stars in that. Barbara Crampton basically had the same career at the time - soap operas and Roger Corman (or Cormanesque) films. Did you ever look at each other and say “Well, killer robots beats having to memorize ten pages of dialogue every day”?

No, we were under the impression that we were making careers in film for ourselves at the time. When we all signed on for Chopping Mall we had no idea that would be the name of it. It was pitched to the actors as ROBOT, with the prestigious Robert Short creating the robots. We had no idea it was a camp-fest at the time. We were young and stupid like that.

Anybody reading this blog knows that I’m a gay homosexual, which means I had a total bone for Russell Todd and John Terlesky in that film. I don’t suppose you can thrill me with a tale of an onset romance between the two?

Sorry, no romances with Johnny T. or Russell Todd that I know of. I was pretty busy though, so I probably missed a lot of good dirt. I doubt it, though. We worked all night and we were really tired and just motivating through because we had to be out by the time the mall reopened every morning.

Mary Woronov, Paul Bartel and Dick Miller were all (briefly) in that film - cult actors from the old school. Although you didn’t have any scenes with them, did you get to know them at all during production?

No, I barely saw them the one day that they filmed. I was getting to the set and they were wrapping up. I loved working with Mary on Night of the Comet, though. She’s a very talented and giving actor and anyone who gets to work with her is lucky in my opinion.

She’s one of my favorite actresses of all time. I’m kind of obsessed with watching her, and the whole “Nice girl from college ends up at The Factory” backstory is fascinating. And her comic timing impeccable.

You worked so closely with Catherine Mary Stewart in that film, but as we both know after production ends you tend not to see the people you worked with very often. Did you and CMS hang out during filming? And how about after?

Cathy and I stayed friends for awhile and we have bumped into each other or emailed on very rare occasions. I live in LA and she lives in NYC. But she’s still one of my favorite people that I have worked with to this day.

How was writer/director Thom Eberhardt to work with?

Thom was the best. He was a little bit like our dad, in that he directs in a fatherly way, meaning he’s protective and can worry too much. And like everyone’s real dad, sometimes he makes remarks that aren’t the most flattering, but he doesn’t mean it that way. LOL

I remember when the remake of Not of This Earth came out, and Fangoria had an on-set article that made a big deal about how “nobody knew” you were going to be in the film. I remember being confused at that - why in the world would they not want people to know you were going to be in the film?

I have no idea—I went in and did one scene, one day’s work at the last minute. Someone thought it would be funny to put Traci and I in nurse’s uniforms? Whatever, right? But it wasn’t a big deal.

Speaking of that film, that was Traci Lords’s first legit role. I haven’t read one bad word about her in regards to her behavior on set on any film, so I’m imagining she was cool to work with. Any fun stories about Traci?

Traci was a very professional, smart, and gracious person. I’ve never heard a bad thing about her, either.

After all these years you’re still in touch with Jim Wynorski, and you’ve done several projects for him. Tell us about your relationship with him.

Jim and I are pals, I think because we have a similar sense of humor. I work fast enough that I never made him mad, which is in my favor from what I hear from other people. One of those fortunate things it’s best not to question too much, I guess. He’s just all about getting the work done, and so am I.

Speaking of Jim, let’s talk about Big Bad Mama II. Did this film answer all those unanswered questions from Big Bad Mama?

I don’t know. I never saw Big Bad Mama. Should I be admitting that? Sheesh…

In that film you not only worked with Police Woman, Angie Dickenson, but one of the girls from the original Broadway cast of Annie, Danielle Brisebois. So literally stars of stage and screen. Who had the best stories onset?

I was, again, on that film for one day’s work, so I got no stories from either of them. Angie Dickenson was, as Jim said, “A great broad,” and I took mental notes the whole time I was with her, because she is someone who has had a long career and I wanted to learn from her. I think I did.

In an effort to make this interview more about my Hollywood connections, I’ll bring up you appearing on Chicago Hope when a friend of mine from high school was one of the regular cast members (Stacy Edwards, playing “Dr. Catera”). Please tell me you got to have a brain tumor!

I played Mark Harmon’s MOM in black and white flashbacks of when he was a little boy! So unfortunately I didn’t get to meet Stacy Edwards.

You have a new film in preproduction, Nightmare Carnival, that not only are you starring in, but producing as well. I want to hear all about this film, but I’m particularly interested in your thoughts on costar David Naughton. Which of these statements is the most true:

Kelli Maroney is a Makin’ It-era David Naughton fan.
Kelli Maroney is an American Werewolf In London-era David Naughton fan.
Kelli Maroney is a Pepper.

Um…Kelli Maroney is a Pepper?

He was attached when I came on board. The writer, Dave Shelton, had the whole thing pretty much drawn up the way he wanted it and it works for me, too.

So you’re producing this film. What’s your day-to-day like as a producer? And how did you end up behind the camera after all these years in front?

Right now I am scrambling to restore financing to the project. Welcome to the glamour of Hollywood producing, right?!

My first producing experience was when a super talented friend of mine wrote a short film that she wanted to act in and she told me that I could co-produce if I wanted and if I was able to come to the table with anything, too! So, that’s how I began learning. One thing leads to another and all of a sudden you’re doing something that you didn’t think you had planned on doing. It’s pretty common in the Industry for actresses to form their own production companies and also to branch out and become a “hyphenate,” they call it here. It only makes sense not to put all your eggs in one basket and to be as versatile as possible.

I hear you. I started out as an actor myself, and I’m really glad I don’t have to rely on just that to make a living.

Your director, Paul Lynch, also happened to direct two episodes of So Weird I wrote. Small world! How did he come to be involved?

I met Paul at a screening of a film that one of our mutual friends had directed and told him about it. He read it and said he wanted to direct, so I got a letter of intent from him.

I read you’re a night owl, just like me. We’re twins of the night! What would we find you doing at 3 AM instead of sleeping?

Uh, trying to get to sleep! The Internet can be a seductive and sinister thing. Also TMC is my bedtime downfall. How can you justify going to bed when all of those fantastic old movies are playing???? I’d never get to see them otherwise, and just as I’m thinking about getting to sleep early, there one will be, coming on at like 2 AM or something.

What are you watching on TV these days?

Law and Order. TMC. HBO. Bill Maher. Letterman. Cable.

God, my partner and I are OBSESSED with Law and Order! You can watch it like 16 times a day on TNT and A&E! What are your favorite years of that show? I’m all about the Dianne Wiest and Angie Harmon years. And S. Epatha Merkeson is a longtime fave. Sam Waterson, Jerry Orbach – I could go on and on! I like SVU as well, but not so much Criminal Intent.

I am all about L & O—-really doesn’t matter which one or what years. I know that many people don’t like CI as much as SVU but I love both.

What’s your favorite thing to eat that’s bad for you?

Sugar. Jelly beans and Jolly Ranchers. Sweettarts. Pizza. Anything with melted cheese all over it.

You’ve worked with Van Johnson three times? Tell me more!

Van Johnson–well, first he came on Ryan’s Hope as himself. He also guest starred in an episode of Murder She Wrote with me but we didn’t have a story line together. Oh, he was also in the movie part of Purple Rose of Cairo and I was cast as the blonde starlet and was supposed to be in that with him, too, but I was shooting Night of the Comet at the time and the producers refused to let me go to NY to do it because they were afraid they would be screwed if I didn’t come back in enough time, or whatever. As a producer msyelf now, I can tell you they probably did the right thing. Wayne Crawford said to me, “If they want to keep you longer and I need you back, who’s going to win, me or ROLLINS-JAFFE?” I get it. I sure was disappointed though and I still wish I could have done the role. These things are bound to happen.

On Murder She Wrote were you the murderer?

Nope, I wasn’t the murderer but you were supposed to THINK I was. : )

You were on Beat the Geeks? As a contestant? Or a geek? I have to say, the movie geek, the guy who runs the NuArt, drives me crazy!

As a contestant. I Beat The Geek. What about Mark drives you crazy? In a good way, or a bad way? : )

I sort of plead the fifth. I guess what drives me crazy about him is what makes him the expert he is. I go to films at the NuArt all the time and…well, let’s just say I appreciate his knowledge, but perhaps not the delivery system.

Anything you have coming up you’d like to tell us about?

I just did a fun part on the HBO series, True Blood, the new Alan Ball series, right before the strike. It hasn’t aired yet and I don’t know what will happen with it now. We’ll have to see after the strike, I suppose. I am also in talks to do a film called Dark Star Hollow.

Thanks so much for being my “People Who Are Cool” guinea pig!

My pleasure.

Make sure to check out:
Kelli’s website and
Kelli’s MySpace page

Today we shot the “Empty Room” and “White Room”. Both of these are very important scenes, and as per usual, we have NO TIME to get them done. In these situations it’s my job to assess the workload for the day, and make realistic decisions on what we can and can’t do. Of course, I can’t force Director Kittredge into doing something he really wants to do, or skip something that he can’t live without losing. But I can make suggestions as to how to get it all done, or what we can push to another day, etc.

Most of the time those suggestions include doing inserts later - extreme closeups can usually be shot anywhere with the right light and minimal production design to match the wider shots. An example - in Socket we shot the closeup of the prongs coming out of the arm in the producers’ kitchen a week after shooting the rest of the scene. Thankfully, with our styrofoam walls we can literally recreate the entire room in Director Kittredge’s living room if we have to.

I usually end each day, or start it depending on my mood, with shopping for craft service. For some reason I really like doing this, even though it’s a major pain in the ass, time-wise. But I have to give it up for Buck, who has been coordinating all the snacks once they arrive on the set. I’m a crazy neatener - I can’t stand stuff not put in it’s place. So I’m forever cruising by the craft services table and “straightening” stuff up. “I promise, it’s not because you’re doing a bad job. I’m just a compulsive straightener-upper…”

Today when I arrived at Second City I found out that the situation was going to be even worse than the first day, production-wise. When I booked this second day, after realizing we could shoot our “rooms” in their rooms, I’m pretty sure I was told that the students in classes that afternoon would be moved to the other side of the facility, down the hall into empty classrooms and out of earshot.

About an hour or so into shooting students filed into the classrooms right across from our two rooms, which of course was a sound nightmare. When the woman who rented the rooms to us came out to find some of our masking on the classroom doors opposite our two rooms (to keep light out of our shot), she told me that those rooms were being used. When I told her that she’d told me that she could move the students, she said she absolutely did not say that. “I wouldn’t have booked the rooms if I thought you couldn’t move the students…” “I wouldn’t have never have moved the students for you to book the rooms…” Stand off, which we lost. We took down the masking, grabbed one last quick shot before the students came in, then sealed ourselves back in our two mini sound stages.

We rocketed along, getting tons of shots done, but time was our enemy. To keep on schedule, I had to call a working lunch. I figured since most of the crew was going to be released early today (more on that in a minute), and since they had a short day yesterday, AND since I was going to get AWESOME lunch in payback for yesterday’s shitty Italian food, I could get away with the forced work for one day.

Let me tell you about my worst nightmare on a set. Getting lunch. Seriously. The stakes are super high, especially on low budget films. You have to feed the crew well in exchange for their low wages. It has to be food that gives them energy for the long day. There has to be enough so even after everyone is fed you have left overs - the psychology of more than enough food goes a long way here. Having every scrap of food eaten at the end of lunch makes it seem like you’re cheaping out and doing the very least you can, food-wise. If you get a crappy lunch, or not enough food, you can’t fix it. Lunch is over by the time more food arrives.

If you’re the lunch getter on a set without a caterer (which we are on some days), you have to start figuring it out the minute you get onset. You have to figure out what time it will be served, you have to find a reasonably priced restaurant that can handle a large order and get it to the set about 15 minutes before lunch - too late and you pay meal penalties, too early and it’s cold by the time you break. You have to make sure there’s plenty of meath, and all your vegetarians are over compensated because the non-vegs will eat the vegetarian food, too. I don’t really know how to emphasize this enough via the written word, but trust me - ORGANIZING LUNCH IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.

So today I plunged into the nightmare by walking down to Scooby’s, a hotdog place. Now, hotdogs aren’t necessarily amazing food, but it can be fun if you have tons of dogs, and all the fixin’s - chili, cheese, kraut - and some good side dishes. Much like pizza, traditionally the second meal if you work overtime, you can get away having Scooby’s for lunch once on a low budget set without too much grousing.

I placed the order at Scooby’s, told them to call me with the total, then walked back to the set, stopping by Lucky Devil’s to pick up three salads for our vegetarians. Got back to the set. Ring! “We can’t do your order because if we do we’ll be out of hotdogs for the entire day…” Fuck. Back out onto Hollywood Blvd. where my only option was… the shitty Italian place. Maybe their pizza will be better, but that means having pizza for lunch twice during this shoot (we had it on Sunday). So I order 12 pizzas for an hour later. CUT TO: Shitty Italian food ONCE AGAIN 20 minutes late.

BUT…we made our day at the Second City location! Director Kittredge and the team motored thru and got it all!

And now…we move to our second location for the day!

Pornography: A Thriller has a scene that takes place in a hotel room. One of the leads is making money by having sex with an older, married doctor on the DL. This role was a tough one to cast - Director Kittredge didn’t want the trick to be someone who the audience would say “Eeeiw, that’s horrible he’s prostituting himself with that…” Which is why none of my bear actor friends ended up in the role. The role also required nudity and, obviously, a gay sex scene. We finally found a really nice actor, Joe Langer, who was game for the scene.

Hotel “sets” cost money, which we don’t have. So I found a cheap hotel - the Best Western Hollywood Hills Hotel (connected to Cafe 101 on Franklin Ave.). I booked a room and planted our cover story. “I have a film crew coming in for a night. We’ll be storing equipment in the room as well, so it won’t get stolen from the car…”

After we broke most of the crew, we cut it down to me, Director Dave, DP Ivan, 1rst AD Mike, Sound Guy Brian, Makeup Goth Gage and the two actors. We drove over to the hotel, unpacked the camera, one light kit, one tripod and one C-stand, the sound equipment, and the makeup, then casually strolled to the elevator that was out of sight from the front desk.

Eight men in a hotel room with camera equipment and lights. For the first time during this production I felt like we were actually shooting a porn.