Writer/director Patrick McGuinn probably appeared on most GLBT radars with his fest favorite (if divisive) SUN KISSED in 2006. One of those “making super-8 films in his backyard” kids, McGuinn created a long list of cool shorts before finally making his first feature, SUROH: ALIEN HITCHHIKER in 1996. Now he’s teamed up with LATIN BOYS GO TO HELL screenwriter André Salas for the queer horror feature, EULOGY FOR A VAMPIRE. Got a priest fetish? This one’s for you!

Patrick and two of his cast members, Wilson Hand and Ryan Metzger, graciously allowed me to pepper them with ridiculous questions. First up, Patrick…

SEAN ABLEY: So you’re one of those filmmakers that was actually doing it as a kid. I just watched a couple of your first short films, THE THING FROM SPACE and ARGONS IN SPACE, shot on film with stunning visual effects! Did you actually draw/scratch those effects directly onto the film?

PATRICK McGUINN: Yes, painting and scratching on super-8 film was a great way to kill time when I was a child.

Who was the talent in these films? Were they impossible to work with?

Neighborhood and family friends acted in my childhood films. It was always a fun time. My brother also starred in the majority of these efforts, so of course he would occasionally disagree about something I asked him to do. When I wanted a break from live actors, I’d retreat to claymation.

Let’s talk about some of your early 16mm shorts, shall we? Tell me about TERRENCE BAUM: INTERGALACTIC ASSASSIN. The style of the film seems very European.

I was inspired by Japanese cinema from the 1960’s, sci-fi creature films (THE BLOB, etc.) and of course, Italian Cinema’s use of post-synch dubbing. That film and my other 16mm shorts are highlights of the PUPPETS & DEMONS DVD.

AGNES KEEDAN’S SECRET PLAN is like one of those British children’s films from the 70’s, all matte finish and girls with white tights.

AGNES was inspired by TV shows like ABC AFTERSCHOOL SPECIAL, and in particular CBS CHILDREN’S FILM FESTIVAL, which aired on Saturday mornings in the 1970’s, after all the cartoons were over. Kukla, Fran and Ollie (a woman and two puppets) hosted and introduced these unsettling, odd, dubbed films from other countries. I was always haunted by these films where children had to fend for themselves in somewhat hostile or alienating situations.

I remember all of those shows, and as I kid I was always very confused by the films they presented. The lips not matching the words made me angry - I couldn’t understand why they couldn’t get them to match. Were they just lazy?

I have to say, SAY THANK YOU PLEASE fascinates me. First of all, that puppet is absolutely creepy as Hell. And I can’t figure out what this world is, with the pasta-making song and the puppet with the punishing voice. What the Hell is going on here?

I’d written a feature-length musical, LIMCUS SOUP, which I couldn’t get produced at the time, and I was kind of depressed by this. So, to feel more empowered, I decided to make a shorter-length musical film. I cast myself in the lead role, and used some of the songs I’d written for my defunct band with new lyrics about making pasta. I was closeted at the time, and had no self-knowledge about the true symbolic connotation of having the puppet “come out” of the closet. Pasta was my favorite food at the time, it was so cheap. I was married, and my wife and best friend helped me make the film. As you can guess, there was a lot of subliminal psychic conflict going on! I’m happy it shows in the film!

SUROH: ALIEN HITCHIKER was your first feature-length film. I haven’t seen the whole film (what can I say? I’m very busy and famous…), but what I have seen seems super trippy, and less a narrative story than a montage. Do I have this right?

I wanted to explore new visual and story-telling techniques with my VHS camcorder, and I was fascinated with the (then-popular) notion of humans being abducted by space aliens. I thought: what if instead of an alien abducting a human, a human finds an alien, and to top it off, they fall in love! SUROH proved to be a successful film in its day [1996]. Now, people mostly dislike watching it because of its low-budget constraints.

I have to know - who plays the alien in SUROH?

My cousin, Phillip, did the honors of wearing the outfit and mask. What a trouper! He had to crawl all over the desert landscape, at night, with very limited visibility. Once we had to leave him lying face-down in the middle of a road by himself while we drove away to get a P.O.V. shot of the driver from another direction.

KILL ME TOMORROW was your next feature, featuring witchcraft.

It was a great experience! An eight-day shoot on 35mm film! The cinematographer was thrilled to be a part of it. I found the cast members organically – mostly non-professionals. I still use this approach to casting. But there were a lot of different drafts (and writers) of the screenplay, and the story became a bit muddled. I should have shaped this film more into a supernatural lesbian feature, but I was curious about escaping the gay ghetto for at least one project.

When your thriller, SUN KISSED, made the festival rounds was the first time I’d heard of you. I remember the buzz being, “This is a tough one…”

The film opened a lot of doors; critics and programmers took SUN KISSED very seriously. Audiences either love or hate it – I haven’t met anyone who feels apathy toward it. Most people get angry when watching it because of its non-linear plot. The film has been attacked for all manner of issues with its low-budget limitations…If they only knew what a hat this film was pulled from, a project from very limited resources.

I hear you on that last statement. My first film as a writer/director, SOCKET, was roundly criticized for low budget. I think SUN KISSED suffers from the same fate - we managed to make the film look like it cost four times as much as it did, but people assumed it cost even more and thought we were just sloppy.

So, EULOGY FOR A VAMPIRE - how did you hook up with the writer, Andre Salas?

Andre interviewed me for a profile in FILMMAKER MAGAZINE [in 2001]. We got to know each other over the years and realized how much we mutually enjoyed a lot of B-movies and cult cinema. I was happy to introduce him to two films which he championed in later articles in FILMMAKER, OLGA’S GIRLS and Oliver Stone’s first feature, SEIZURE. He has written numerous scripts, all of which are excellent and well-written. One of them was called VAMPIRE IN A BOY’S DORMITORY, which I loved, but it was too big a film to make on a small budget. I asked him to modify and change it, into a smaller-size project — instead of 24 speaking parts, 10 speaking parts, instead of 8 locations, 1 location, and so on. We came up with EULOGY FOR A VAMPIRE this way, and had casting read-throughs over the course of a year to tighten the script.

You told me that every cast member in EULOGY is gay except one - did you guys totally haze the straight guy?

(Laughs) Well, he felt hazed without being hazed, I think, being lodged with a bunch of randy young gay actors in the same house. He was a good sport. But he had to writhe over another actor in a love/vampire attack scene, and the other receiving actor said he lacked finesse in his man-on-man love technique.

What was your production schedule like? I’m assuming it was way too short.

Definitely too short! Eleven days principal with two days of pickup shooting. So, thirteen shoot days total…A lucky number, maybe? And the days were long. The crew was terrific, all straight men! They were sort of hungering for a female presence by the end of the shoot…it was like being on a pirate ship on the high seas!

You have a lot of sexual situations in EULOGY, but not a lot of full frontal, which is against the norm these days (or so it seems. I feel like I’ve seen a ton of peen in films lately.) Was that a decision made artistically, or perhaps by the actors? Why so little peen?

There was an air of modesty on the set. Andre had nudity written into the script, so most actors knew about it going in, but we all realized that some situations just called for more propriety since these characters were monks. Also, it would have been harder to get the film broadcast on cable TV with so much unabashed nudity! I didn’t set out to make a porn film, and I wanted to be sensitive to the actor’s concerns. But yes, even SHUTTER ISLAND has male full-frontal!

I’ve been chatting with my other gay filmmaker friends, and the only people who seem to be making films these days are Casper Andreas and… Well, I can’t think of any others. I think even David DeCouteau is twiddling his thumbs. Money has evaporated for low budget gay films, and whereas the prevailing opinion was “If your budget is over 350k, you won’t make your money back on a gay film…” now it seems to be “If your budget is over 70k you won’t make your money back…” What are your thoughts on the gay film horizon these days?

I think that queer cinema has been co-opted, simply because gay culture itself has been. A lot of gays no longer wish to be counter-culture or sub-cultural. Cinema is a mass media, so it will inevitably cater to the mass audience. Budgets are going to have to stay very low in order to see any future profit. But I continually re-learn this the hard way. EULOGY was my biggest-budget film, but had a lot of counter-cultural elements, which I don’t think will be embraced by the mainstream!

Speaking of budget, can you tell me your budget for EULOGY? Yes, yes, I know, we’re all told not to tell what our budgets are. But this will stay between us…and all my readers. (And if you say “Under a million…” I’ll kill you…)

(Laughs) Under a million! Are you going to kill me with kindness? (Laughs)

I’d kill you with a withering glance, if I could figure out how to make an angry emoticon.

As I ask this, my cat is lying on my arm, thwarting me from writing. What’s your most evil distraction from writing?

Other people. It’s hard to live in New York City and try to write anything long-form. There’s always a place to go, a thing to do, with other people. So I journey on writing retreats to desolate places when I want to get some writing done. No internet, no neighbors, and no animals either! (Laughs)

What’s next?

BOOBS – a heterosexual horror fantasia, from a script I wrote a few years ago. The premise is THE OFFICE meets FATAL ATTRACTION. I’ll probably film it in New York City. Most of my recent films have been made in rural outposts. It’s time for an urban film with a gritty message!

As I often do when ending an interview, I typed your name and “question” into a search engine to come up with my final question. “Patrick question” resulted in: Why is there an entire web page devoted to Iron Maiden album covers with Spongebob Squarepants inserted into them?

(Laughs) My nephews love my name because I share it with Patrick, the starfish character on SPONGEBOB. I’m in good company! I’ve never listened to any Iron Maiden, but my high school punk band did a cover of “Iron Man” by Black Sabbath (which happens to be an excellent film, too)!

Thanks for taking the time to chat with me, Patrick!

Bears are the best, Sean!

They are! Woof!

Check out Patrick’s shorts collection, PUPPETS AND DEMONS, here

More on EULOGY FOR A VAMPIRE here.

Patrick’s MySpace.

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